Aliens, Drafts, and Unbeaten Teams

There are bad articles. There are stupid articles. There are articles that make you want to pull your hair out. There are articles that end with the invisible yet understood phrase "Yeah, now you get to go jump off a cliff because someone actually did write this article and someone actually did publish it, and both of them are your fellow humans."

Then there is this article.

You can click the link but you don't need to. In summary, John Hollinger (otherwise known as the least knowledgable of the unknowledgable NBA "experts" ESPN employs) ranks international players from 1-30 in the NBA.

Alright, the fact that Tim Duncan is on this asinine list is bad enough (yes, Tim Duncan, who was born a U.S. Citizen, still is a U.S. Citizen, and went to Wake Forest, and speaks English like he grew up speaking it because... oh yeah, he did!), and the fact that Steve Nash is an "international" player is hilarious enough (oh sure, he was Canadian, but he went to school here and learend basketball here; I mean how "international" is he...) but he is also listed under a different flag (just look; it is hilarious), yet even that I can get over. Even the fact that Ben Gordon (yes, UConn's own Ben Gordon) is listed as international is laughable yet endurable.

(apparently, the NBA lists these players as international, so this is the smokescreen Hollinger hides behind. Shame on him. The NFL also throws flags when someone glances at a QB the wrong way. This doesn't mean sportswriters must lower their standards. Particularly because the NBA only lists half of these players as international because they *want* the game to be international).

No, the real problem with this list is... THE LIST! Granting that these players even belong on the same list--fine, whatever--here are the top ten of these "top thirty".

Dirk Nowitzki
Tim Duncan
Steve Nash
Yao Ming
Pau Gasol
Manu Ginobli
Tony Parker
Loul Deng
Memhet Okur
Ben Gordon

Yes. He has Dirk Nowitzki--who has won quite literally nothing, and cost his team several playoff series--ahead of Tim Duncan, the MVP, finals MVP, three time championship winning power forward ranked among the best of all time! WHAAAAAT?!

And don't try to tell me that these rankings are based only on "this year". If that were true, the oft injured Yao Ming would be nowhere near the top, Luol Deng would be much higher, and there is no way Mehmet Okur would beat out Ben Gordon. So, frankly, the top ten sucks. Badly. But listen to this!

Raja Bell, the Pheonix Suns' best defender--and one of the league's best defenders--is two spots (27 to 25) behind...

get ready for it...

no, you aren't ready yet...

seriously, prepare yourself...

DARKO MILICIC!!!

If you have heard of him, you know why this is so absurd. If you haven't, then there you go, you know why this is so absurd! This guy is better known for being a collosal failure than anything else. He is best known as having been taken before Melo, D-Wade, Chris Bosh and even Josh Howard. He is best known as the most gargantuan mistake in one of the best drafts of all time, 2003. This guy doesn't belong anywhere near this list.

Well anyway. My readers probably don't even know who the vast majority of these players are (or even how to pronounce their names, but we all have trouble with that) , but I thought I should let you all know just how inane John Hollinger is. Yes. You need to be informed.

Anyway, the Browns pulled off a major draft heist by grabbing both Joe Thomas (could you have a more generic name than that? I think it is behind only "John Smith"...) AND Brady Quinn, who the idiots in Miami passed on. Yes. Miami. The team that has no QB. The team that passed up Drew Brees for Daunte Freakin' Culpepper. Think they know what they are doing? Yeah, right. Isn't it amazing that they spend millions of dollars on hundreds of people to spend thousands of hours studying these things... and they still know less than a moronic fan with a keyboard? They should be a bit more parsimonious with the dough and just ask me. Seriously. They couldn't do any worse.

But all of this news takes a backseat to the knowledge that the next NFL season has been cancelled. Yes. Cancelled. Why? Because in their divine wisdom, the other teams in the league have conspired to do everything in their power to make the Patriots unbeatable. This team was one or two plays away from winning the Super Bowl *last* year, and now they get Randy Moss?! They aren't losing a game all year, unless the injury bug finally hits them.

Wouldn't that be ironic? They have won three Super Bowls with mediocre talent because the important player--Tom Brady--never got injured. What if he gets injured the year they finally have more talent than anyone else?

Of course, the one team that could actually play with New England--San Diego, still arguably as full of talent as New England--has no hope because they hired Norv Freakin' Turner. I simply don't get the obsession with hiring *failed* retreads. But it happens everywhere. Celebrities spend their entire lives marrying, divorcing, and remarrying, even thoguh none of them can keep a marriage together. NFL teams do the same thing, minus the wedding gowns and pecuniary disputes.

Meanwhile, the Titans wasted yet another draft day. They do that a lot. So, who is Vince Young going to throw to? I dunno. Neither do the Titans. They have four receivers currently on the roster. one of them--ONE OF THEM--caught double digit passes last year, and he only caught 27! (Reggie Bush, aka running back, caught 88. Otherwise known as twice the entire Titans WR corps combined. And to offset this, they have a running back named... uh, wait... nope. Not sure who their running back is. They probably don't even know.

At least I get to root for New England. And they will never lose.

~The Sports Maunderer~