You only THOUGHT you knew...

...how pervasive performance enhancing drugs are. Apparently, even the coaches are using them now!





There is a curious nature of all sporting events in which discontinuity between fandom and reality due to mass-reaction takes place. In other words, fans at a game scream like hyenas when a flag is thrown, even though the same fans would probably--if watching from the comfort of their own living rooms--realize, upon further inspection, that the call was a good one. When attending games, the Sports Maunderer is extremely irritated by these reactionist fans who call for pass interference when the receiver wasn't even being covered.

Worse than the overly zealous fan, though, is the overly zealous charlatan who knows nothing about the game. Like the four girls sitting in front of you who annoyingly burst into song as the hint of a cheeseball-antitalent-radiomade-massproduced-nonsensical crap begins to sift from the stadium's loudspeakers. Then they do it again the next time, and again the next time, and you wonder if there *isn't* an utterly atrocious "song" they don't know the words to. The fact that they are bad singers doesn't even have anything to do with it. What makes it all unbearable is the fact that they confused the "stop the clock" sign from the ref with the "incomplete" sign, because, well, obviously, they know zilch about football. They think the redzone is an abstract term for scoring, they think an extra point is a big deal, and they usually cheer or boo at the wrong times, only to reverse their position with double vigor when they see the hilarious, egregious error of their ways. They seem to believe that the extra intensity with which they scream makes up for the fact that they didn't know whether they should cheer or boo. if you dont know when to cheer or jeer, you obviously dont care that much anyway. but of course none of this matters to them. The guys three rows back that they consistently, assiduously, inveterately, unfailingly glance back at every twenty three seconds are cute enoguh that they will feign all types of meretricious fandom.

Anyway, the Yanks beat the snot out of the sox, the sox then got a no-hitter from a rookie, A-Rod is too good for his own good, and this post needs to end because it is 1:53 in the morning.


Heres to real fans everywhere, whether it be Georgia, West Virginia, New Jersey, North Carolina, New York or Pennsylvania.

~The Sports Maunderer~