The Pauper's NFL Special

Without much time to write, The Sports Maunderer must resort to trite anecdotes and hilarious side-stories to make up this post. We start off with this question, posed to Jerome Bettis on PTI several days ago:



"Who wins the super bowl?"


Pretty simply, right? Everyone and their mother's turtle knows it is coming, right? And even if you don't, you act like you do, right?



Here is Bettis' response.


"Uh, wow. Who wins the super bowl? Phew. Wow. That’s a good one. Hmm… man, that’s a good one. Wow, that is a good one. Hmmm... who wins the super bowl. Man that's a really good question."



Yes. Very good one. I agree Jerome. Most people would, I am sure. Great question. Tony Kornheiser is brilliant for inventing it. I mean, seriously, no one has ever asked that question before. Seriously awesome interviewing, Tony! Great way to think on your feet there, Jerome. But then, I guess you don't have feet, you have wheels?



To those who doubted Randy Moss:



9 catches, 180 yards, 1 fifty-one yard TD.



heh



heh



heh



To those who root for the Titans... Well. They are 1-0. That is about the only good thing to come out of week 1. The offense was bad, the red-zone offense was atrocious, the defense was saved by several fortunate breaks... not the way you want to start the season, but then, I'm sure 16 teams would have taken that start over their own.



Ladainian Tomlinson has to have sold his soul. Having one of the worst games of his career, he still manages to throw for a score and run for another, providing the only offense the Chargers would need in a 14-3 victory? Geez.



Oh and by the way, great way to silence the doubters, Mr. Rex Grossman. (Am I the only one who finds that name funny? I mean, Rex is bad enough, but then "Grossman"? that sounds more like an insult than a last name)



Of course, Philip Rivers played horrible also. I wonder if Rex would look so bad if he had LT2 in his backfield...

So far on the MNF game, Tony and Jaws keep making a big deal out of how the Ravens are screwing up terribly, made more galling by the fact that it is on "national television".

First off, these guys are playing in front of 70,000 people. I doubt anything really bothers them that way. Second, NFL teams are nearly always on "national television". Third, ESPN is a cable channel, so... they aren't even on a channel that everyone can see. Finally, being on national television in the NFL means bupkus, thanks to the fact that win/loss records (and not some prognosticating national polls) determine success. It simply makes no sense to speak of this "national television" phenomenon like no one has ever seen Ray Lewis before. Next they will decry the lamentability of losing a game that is broadcast on the radio.

The Giants lost, and then they lost a ton of people, including their running back and quarterback. They also lost theri season, for that matter.


A-Rod. No need to say anything really. Besides, if I bothered you with his crazy statistics, they would be false by the time you read them anyway, since he is hitting homers way faster than I am writing columns.

Federer wins again. That was one of the more routine marches to triumph I have ever watched, given how much history he was making (record U.S. Opens in a row, extended his own Grand Slam finals in a row mark, tied the most victories in a row at the U.S. Open, tied for second on the all time Grand Slam victories list, now only two behind Sampras, etc.)

By far the funniest thing I have seen in... a long while.

Anyway, The Sports Maunderer probably missed a lot of the important stuff, but don't be worried. For one thing, he always does, and for another, he is so busy missing things these days he has gotten used to it.

Until next time,

~The Sports Maunderer~