Just thought I'd mention that.
Anyway, if you are planning on betting anytime soon, don't wager dessert. You could end up in the poor house. Nevertheless, that obscene dollar amount does exactly what it is meant to do. After all, you would never have heard of Sri Lanka otherwise. Well that's an overstatement, but you get the point.
Anyway, the possibility of commenting on the NL playoff races is nil. If I were to say something it would be pointless in a few minutes.
BTW, we all know I cachinnate at both soccer and women's "sports", so you'd think I would find nothing interesting about the grandnanny of them all, women's soccer. Not so. To prove I am not sexist, I will talk about women's soccer.
The #1 ranked U.S. women's soccer team lost 4-0 (ouch!) in the world cup semis the other day. This would be simply a bad loss if not for the fact that the U.S. Women's goalkeeper was a 36 year old goalie who hadnt played since june, as opposed to Hope Solo (no relation to a certain smuggler) who had not given up a goal in 300 minutes. Seriously. I know nothing about soccer but I know you don't take out a sizzling goaltender to bring in a 36 year old who hasnt played in months. So their coach is an idiot right? Yes. And apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so.
Unfortunately Hope apologized for her rant, bringing me to my knees in frustration at the endless list of people who deliver apologies for things that weren't that bad in the first place. Her team got beaten 4-0 and she was probably right when she said it wouldn't have happened if she had been in there. Even if she was wrong--she said it, she thought it, she still thinks it, and who the heck is she convincing with this ersatz apology anyway?
To those who doubted Randy Moss:
5 catches, 115 yards, 2 TDs
heh
heh
heh
To those who root for the Titans: Well they won. They beat a terrible team but they are 2-1.
Mort Report Retort:
This just in, the Bears are changing quarterbacks.
The Mets would like to get some wins these days, since they are losing a lot.
The Yankees are in the playoffs? Weren't they 14 1/2 back?
The Colts won the SuperBowl last year.
Tiki Barber retired, so the Giants don't have him anymore.
The Saints had one of the top offenses in the league last year, so expect them to score points.
Honorary Mention, courtesy of John Madden (this quote is actually real!) "When you talk about a Norv Turner offense, you're usually talking about an offense."
(I guess sometimes you are actually talking about defense...?)
Yankees win wild card. Now all they have to do is avoid the Angels. Oh sure. That'll happen...
~The Sports Maunderer~
Friday, September 28, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
When A-Rod goes 1-11
The weirdest thing about the Sox/Yankees series over the weekend was not the big comeback in game 1, the Wang meltdown in game 2 or the Jeter home run in game 3. The Yanks have been coming back all season long, Wang has been having bad starts all season long (it is a weird thing how many wins he has and how low his ERA is. Every time you look up he had another mediocre start, yet his stats are good. Odd.), and Jeter has come through many times before.
The weird thing is that A-Rod went 1-11, and instead of the one hit being a meaningless single with two outs in the sixth of an already decided game, it was the reason they won game 1. His .099 batting average for the series won a game, whereas in yesteryear his .400 batting averages often times failed to make an impact. Last year he would have been crucified for 1-11, probably rightfully so. This year he isn't, also rightfully so. Weird.
Either way, the Yanks look like that proverbial "team no one wants to play" this year, because they can erupt for approximately a gazillion runs at any time. They are also the proverbial "team no one likes rooting for" because they can also quiescently sit by and score 1 run any given day. And yeah I just made that slightly less than proverbial term up on the spot. But you know you have felt that way before and will again, so if nothing else it SHOULD be a proverbial term.
To those who doubted Randy Moss: 6 catches, 100 yds, 2 TDs.
heh
heh
heh
To those who root for the Titans: Dangit. Darnit. DANG. Blast. Stupid play. RUN WITH IT ALREADY! What is this passing nonsense, VY? Dang. Crap. Crud. Stupd stupid stupid. Come on now. Seriously. I mean... seriously. Dang. Darn. What the heck. In the name of all things light blue and dark blue, why. Come on.
To those who wonder why my blogs are getting shorter: You're morons. Figure it out on your own.
Cameragate: That is a retarded name first off. We do not need to put "gate" on the end of "scandals" anymore and even if we did, this is hardly a "scandal". The self-righteous preening punks who keep acting as if Bill Belichick shot their grandmother need to GET A LIFE. He cheated, he got penalized, its over. It wasn't even bad cheating. Does anyone seriously think that makes a difference in games? If you answered yes, your favorite team is either the Colts, Eagles, Panthers or Rams. And you are a moron. The Patriots clearly try to push the envelope as close to the rule boundaries as they can. Most of the time, they don't break the line. This time, they did. They got punished for it. The people who keep declaring this a pattern of flaunting the rules are also morons. They don't have a pattern of flaunting the rules, they have a pattern of getting as much as they can, and sometimes--in other words, this ONE TIME--they go overboard. They lost money and a first round pick and that should be that. I don't like the Patriots anymore than the next guy (The Titans would have won the Super Bowl in 03 if not for the Pats) but I don't think the Titans lost that game because Belichick could see the defensive signals on videotape. The same signals he could just *watch* anytime he wanted to.
Anyway, I'm hungry and tired and all of the sudden poor, so I must be off. Until next time,
~The Sports Maunderer~
The weird thing is that A-Rod went 1-11, and instead of the one hit being a meaningless single with two outs in the sixth of an already decided game, it was the reason they won game 1. His .099 batting average for the series won a game, whereas in yesteryear his .400 batting averages often times failed to make an impact. Last year he would have been crucified for 1-11, probably rightfully so. This year he isn't, also rightfully so. Weird.
Either way, the Yanks look like that proverbial "team no one wants to play" this year, because they can erupt for approximately a gazillion runs at any time. They are also the proverbial "team no one likes rooting for" because they can also quiescently sit by and score 1 run any given day. And yeah I just made that slightly less than proverbial term up on the spot. But you know you have felt that way before and will again, so if nothing else it SHOULD be a proverbial term.
To those who doubted Randy Moss: 6 catches, 100 yds, 2 TDs.
heh
heh
heh
To those who root for the Titans: Dangit. Darnit. DANG. Blast. Stupid play. RUN WITH IT ALREADY! What is this passing nonsense, VY? Dang. Crap. Crud. Stupd stupid stupid. Come on now. Seriously. I mean... seriously. Dang. Darn. What the heck. In the name of all things light blue and dark blue, why. Come on.
To those who wonder why my blogs are getting shorter: You're morons. Figure it out on your own.
Cameragate: That is a retarded name first off. We do not need to put "gate" on the end of "scandals" anymore and even if we did, this is hardly a "scandal". The self-righteous preening punks who keep acting as if Bill Belichick shot their grandmother need to GET A LIFE. He cheated, he got penalized, its over. It wasn't even bad cheating. Does anyone seriously think that makes a difference in games? If you answered yes, your favorite team is either the Colts, Eagles, Panthers or Rams. And you are a moron. The Patriots clearly try to push the envelope as close to the rule boundaries as they can. Most of the time, they don't break the line. This time, they did. They got punished for it. The people who keep declaring this a pattern of flaunting the rules are also morons. They don't have a pattern of flaunting the rules, they have a pattern of getting as much as they can, and sometimes--in other words, this ONE TIME--they go overboard. They lost money and a first round pick and that should be that. I don't like the Patriots anymore than the next guy (The Titans would have won the Super Bowl in 03 if not for the Pats) but I don't think the Titans lost that game because Belichick could see the defensive signals on videotape. The same signals he could just *watch* anytime he wanted to.
Anyway, I'm hungry and tired and all of the sudden poor, so I must be off. Until next time,
~The Sports Maunderer~
Monday, September 10, 2007
The Pauper's NFL Special
Without much time to write, The Sports Maunderer must resort to trite anecdotes and hilarious side-stories to make up this post. We start off with this question, posed to Jerome Bettis on PTI several days ago:
"Who wins the super bowl?"
Pretty simply, right? Everyone and their mother's turtle knows it is coming, right? And even if you don't, you act like you do, right?
Here is Bettis' response.
"Uh, wow. Who wins the super bowl? Phew. Wow. That’s a good one. Hmm… man, that’s a good one. Wow, that is a good one. Hmmm... who wins the super bowl. Man that's a really good question."
Yes. Very good one. I agree Jerome. Most people would, I am sure. Great question. Tony Kornheiser is brilliant for inventing it. I mean, seriously, no one has ever asked that question before. Seriously awesome interviewing, Tony! Great way to think on your feet there, Jerome. But then, I guess you don't have feet, you have wheels?
To those who doubted Randy Moss:
9 catches, 180 yards, 1 fifty-one yard TD.
heh
heh
heh
To those who root for the Titans... Well. They are 1-0. That is about the only good thing to come out of week 1. The offense was bad, the red-zone offense was atrocious, the defense was saved by several fortunate breaks... not the way you want to start the season, but then, I'm sure 16 teams would have taken that start over their own.
Ladainian Tomlinson has to have sold his soul. Having one of the worst games of his career, he still manages to throw for a score and run for another, providing the only offense the Chargers would need in a 14-3 victory? Geez.
Oh and by the way, great way to silence the doubters, Mr. Rex Grossman. (Am I the only one who finds that name funny? I mean, Rex is bad enough, but then "Grossman"? that sounds more like an insult than a last name)
Of course, Philip Rivers played horrible also. I wonder if Rex would look so bad if he had LT2 in his backfield...
So far on the MNF game, Tony and Jaws keep making a big deal out of how the Ravens are screwing up terribly, made more galling by the fact that it is on "national television".
First off, these guys are playing in front of 70,000 people. I doubt anything really bothers them that way. Second, NFL teams are nearly always on "national television". Third, ESPN is a cable channel, so... they aren't even on a channel that everyone can see. Finally, being on national television in the NFL means bupkus, thanks to the fact that win/loss records (and not some prognosticating national polls) determine success. It simply makes no sense to speak of this "national television" phenomenon like no one has ever seen Ray Lewis before. Next they will decry the lamentability of losing a game that is broadcast on the radio.
The Giants lost, and then they lost a ton of people, including their running back and quarterback. They also lost theri season, for that matter.
A-Rod. No need to say anything really. Besides, if I bothered you with his crazy statistics, they would be false by the time you read them anyway, since he is hitting homers way faster than I am writing columns.
Federer wins again. That was one of the more routine marches to triumph I have ever watched, given how much history he was making (record U.S. Opens in a row, extended his own Grand Slam finals in a row mark, tied the most victories in a row at the U.S. Open, tied for second on the all time Grand Slam victories list, now only two behind Sampras, etc.)
By far the funniest thing I have seen in... a long while.
Anyway, The Sports Maunderer probably missed a lot of the important stuff, but don't be worried. For one thing, he always does, and for another, he is so busy missing things these days he has gotten used to it.
Until next time,
~The Sports Maunderer~
"Who wins the super bowl?"
Pretty simply, right? Everyone and their mother's turtle knows it is coming, right? And even if you don't, you act like you do, right?
Here is Bettis' response.
"Uh, wow. Who wins the super bowl? Phew. Wow. That’s a good one. Hmm… man, that’s a good one. Wow, that is a good one. Hmmm... who wins the super bowl. Man that's a really good question."
Yes. Very good one. I agree Jerome. Most people would, I am sure. Great question. Tony Kornheiser is brilliant for inventing it. I mean, seriously, no one has ever asked that question before. Seriously awesome interviewing, Tony! Great way to think on your feet there, Jerome. But then, I guess you don't have feet, you have wheels?
To those who doubted Randy Moss:
9 catches, 180 yards, 1 fifty-one yard TD.
heh
heh
heh
To those who root for the Titans... Well. They are 1-0. That is about the only good thing to come out of week 1. The offense was bad, the red-zone offense was atrocious, the defense was saved by several fortunate breaks... not the way you want to start the season, but then, I'm sure 16 teams would have taken that start over their own.
Ladainian Tomlinson has to have sold his soul. Having one of the worst games of his career, he still manages to throw for a score and run for another, providing the only offense the Chargers would need in a 14-3 victory? Geez.
Oh and by the way, great way to silence the doubters, Mr. Rex Grossman. (Am I the only one who finds that name funny? I mean, Rex is bad enough, but then "Grossman"? that sounds more like an insult than a last name)
Of course, Philip Rivers played horrible also. I wonder if Rex would look so bad if he had LT2 in his backfield...
So far on the MNF game, Tony and Jaws keep making a big deal out of how the Ravens are screwing up terribly, made more galling by the fact that it is on "national television".
First off, these guys are playing in front of 70,000 people. I doubt anything really bothers them that way. Second, NFL teams are nearly always on "national television". Third, ESPN is a cable channel, so... they aren't even on a channel that everyone can see. Finally, being on national television in the NFL means bupkus, thanks to the fact that win/loss records (and not some prognosticating national polls) determine success. It simply makes no sense to speak of this "national television" phenomenon like no one has ever seen Ray Lewis before. Next they will decry the lamentability of losing a game that is broadcast on the radio.
The Giants lost, and then they lost a ton of people, including their running back and quarterback. They also lost theri season, for that matter.
A-Rod. No need to say anything really. Besides, if I bothered you with his crazy statistics, they would be false by the time you read them anyway, since he is hitting homers way faster than I am writing columns.
Federer wins again. That was one of the more routine marches to triumph I have ever watched, given how much history he was making (record U.S. Opens in a row, extended his own Grand Slam finals in a row mark, tied the most victories in a row at the U.S. Open, tied for second on the all time Grand Slam victories list, now only two behind Sampras, etc.)
By far the funniest thing I have seen in... a long while.
Anyway, The Sports Maunderer probably missed a lot of the important stuff, but don't be worried. For one thing, he always does, and for another, he is so busy missing things these days he has gotten used to it.
Until next time,
~The Sports Maunderer~
Sunday, September 02, 2007
You only THOUGHT you knew...
...how pervasive performance enhancing drugs are. Apparently, even the coaches are using them now!
There is a curious nature of all sporting events in which discontinuity between fandom and reality due to mass-reaction takes place. In other words, fans at a game scream like hyenas when a flag is thrown, even though the same fans would probably--if watching from the comfort of their own living rooms--realize, upon further inspection, that the call was a good one. When attending games, the Sports Maunderer is extremely irritated by these reactionist fans who call for pass interference when the receiver wasn't even being covered.
Worse than the overly zealous fan, though, is the overly zealous charlatan who knows nothing about the game. Like the four girls sitting in front of you who annoyingly burst into song as the hint of a cheeseball-antitalent-radiomade-massproduced-nonsensical crap begins to sift from the stadium's loudspeakers. Then they do it again the next time, and again the next time, and you wonder if there *isn't* an utterly atrocious "song" they don't know the words to. The fact that they are bad singers doesn't even have anything to do with it. What makes it all unbearable is the fact that they confused the "stop the clock" sign from the ref with the "incomplete" sign, because, well, obviously, they know zilch about football. They think the redzone is an abstract term for scoring, they think an extra point is a big deal, and they usually cheer or boo at the wrong times, only to reverse their position with double vigor when they see the hilarious, egregious error of their ways. They seem to believe that the extra intensity with which they scream makes up for the fact that they didn't know whether they should cheer or boo. if you dont know when to cheer or jeer, you obviously dont care that much anyway. but of course none of this matters to them. The guys three rows back that they consistently, assiduously, inveterately, unfailingly glance back at every twenty three seconds are cute enoguh that they will feign all types of meretricious fandom.
Anyway, the Yanks beat the snot out of the sox, the sox then got a no-hitter from a rookie, A-Rod is too good for his own good, and this post needs to end because it is 1:53 in the morning.
Heres to real fans everywhere, whether it be Georgia, West Virginia, New Jersey, North Carolina, New York or Pennsylvania.
~The Sports Maunderer~
There is a curious nature of all sporting events in which discontinuity between fandom and reality due to mass-reaction takes place. In other words, fans at a game scream like hyenas when a flag is thrown, even though the same fans would probably--if watching from the comfort of their own living rooms--realize, upon further inspection, that the call was a good one. When attending games, the Sports Maunderer is extremely irritated by these reactionist fans who call for pass interference when the receiver wasn't even being covered.
Worse than the overly zealous fan, though, is the overly zealous charlatan who knows nothing about the game. Like the four girls sitting in front of you who annoyingly burst into song as the hint of a cheeseball-antitalent-radiomade-massproduced-nonsensical crap begins to sift from the stadium's loudspeakers. Then they do it again the next time, and again the next time, and you wonder if there *isn't* an utterly atrocious "song" they don't know the words to. The fact that they are bad singers doesn't even have anything to do with it. What makes it all unbearable is the fact that they confused the "stop the clock" sign from the ref with the "incomplete" sign, because, well, obviously, they know zilch about football. They think the redzone is an abstract term for scoring, they think an extra point is a big deal, and they usually cheer or boo at the wrong times, only to reverse their position with double vigor when they see the hilarious, egregious error of their ways. They seem to believe that the extra intensity with which they scream makes up for the fact that they didn't know whether they should cheer or boo. if you dont know when to cheer or jeer, you obviously dont care that much anyway. but of course none of this matters to them. The guys three rows back that they consistently, assiduously, inveterately, unfailingly glance back at every twenty three seconds are cute enoguh that they will feign all types of meretricious fandom.
Anyway, the Yanks beat the snot out of the sox, the sox then got a no-hitter from a rookie, A-Rod is too good for his own good, and this post needs to end because it is 1:53 in the morning.
Heres to real fans everywhere, whether it be Georgia, West Virginia, New Jersey, North Carolina, New York or Pennsylvania.
~The Sports Maunderer~
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