This Article has a Point. Somewhere....

While watching more and more and more and more teams fall apart due to terrible coaching recently, an odd question arises.

Why aren’t the players allowed to disapprove of their teams being out-coached?

Jeremy Shockey told the media that his team was “outplayed and out-coached”, and the media exploded like something left in the microwave for too long. Tiki Barber alluded to the fact that the Giants might have been out-coached last year during the playoffs, and analysts began equating his character with feet wrapped in leathery burnt bacon.

The examples of players griping about coaching could be multiplied, but the point is that when a player complains of poor coaching, commentators jump on him, deride him, call him names, question his character, demand he apologize, and usually want him to cure cancer while he is at it.

My question is:
Why?

Why is a player not allowed to question his coach? The reason this strange unspoken rule about never complaining about the coach is so odd is that the coach incessantly complains about the players. Let’s run through a couple coach’s lines here.

“We just didn’t execute.”
This term “execute” means “perform”, “achieve”, “accomplish”, etc. The coach who uses this line is saying “we had the plays, they just didn’t do them right”. In other words, he is shifting all of the blame onto the players! Why is a coach allowed to shift every parcel of blame onto the players, but the player is not even allowed to say something along the lines of “we stunk on the field, our plans stunk, everything stunk”? The answer: such would be sacrilege against the unwritten rule of never questioning a coach.

“We got outplayed. We got our butts kicked”. In other words, my players failed me. These (or similar) are both common lines. Coaches spout them off all the time. They are not even questioned. Usually, analysts and commentators will even talk of the coach’s integrity, because he “wasn’t making excuses”.

HELLO?! Sure he was! Coaches rarely come out and blame themselves. They always say they were outplayed.

Yet, the player is not allowed to mention this.

Now many of you out there are crying “Bull! The players are the ones playing, it is they who have to remain accountable”. Sure, plenty of the time, the players stink it up.

But if nothing is ever a coach’s fault, then no credit belongs to the coaches either. They either do nothing, or they make mistakes. In football, they have an inordinate amount of responsibility. They can win games through their tactics, and easily lose them through blunders. In the game of basketball, coaches are instrumental in not only strategizing, but often in developing players, i.e. sometimes they aren’t getting enough out of the player. In baseball, managers certainly have less influence than football, but as seen in recent years by true Yankee fans everywhere, a manager can certainly lose you a series.

Or two.

Or three.

*dies*

*wakes up*

So, coaches are accountable. Yet players can’t complain.
This is an absurd double standard held by the media at large. I am all for teams keeping complaints within the locker room, and taking accountability as a team, but the coaches are part of that team, and if they are allowed to rag on their players—as they often do—then no one should be crucifying the players for puling about coaching.

A player should be able to say that the team got outplayed and out-coached. Or, if that is not acceptable, than coaches need to shut up, also. I prefer the latter, but since the Bill Parcells of the world will never stop criticizing their players, players should not get the flack they do when they whine about coaching. Sure, they could take the high road and we would all love it. But the coaches deserve the same criticism for tearing their players down that those very players countenance for questioning their coaches.

Ironically, the players are usually right when they lash out at coaches. Let’s face it: they would not whine unless they really felt hampered by an ineffective scheme, so... they were probably hampered by an ineffective scheme. Jeremy Shockey was completely correct when he complained of being out-coached. The Giants were out-schemed, out-thought, and, also, outplayed. He admitted that. He still got torn to pieces by the media.

How come no one tears a coach apart when he says “we just didn’t execute”?

How Dare You Make a Prudent Throw!: Bill Simmons, an author who I obviously have great respect for, just took a massive hit in the credibility department the other day. He complained about Eli Manning’s passes to Plaxico Burress, saying they were all too high, forcing Plaxico to stretch to reach them.

LOL.

So because a QB hits a receiver where only the receiver can catch it, the throw is awful. This is a lot like those passes Jake Delhomme throws, where he makes Steve Smith run half the field to catch the ball. How dare he make Smith utilize his speed? Brilliant, Bill, brilliant. Then again, this is the same Bill Simmons who attempted to explain Seattle’s offense by saying that “four receiver, one back sets” are “unstoppable”

...in Madden. The video game. Yep.

Yes I Know: I promised a Yankee articles regarding five easy ways to fix their team, but they are all so obvious I am debating whether to even write it. What is the point? Smart people already know, and stupid people won’t listen. Although... I suppose one could make that same argument about... everything.

The Other Day: I was looking through my mail the other day, where I saw that the NFL had sent me a notice to inform me that I had been flagged for roughing the passer. Now this was somewhat odd seeing as I don’t play football, much less play football in the NFL. Still, since their touchiness regarding QBs has reached new levels of paranoia, I supposed it is not entirely unexpected. Just as many new mothers have been having nightmares involving Tom Cruise, I assume that the NFL’s mental depravity regarding QBs is widespread in its effects. Yet, when they claim to penalize me fifteen minutes of game watching time, I think they have gone too far.

Is There Any Use for Soccer?: I have now invented one. We need to play soccer with footballs. Seriously. It will only last ten minutes (sort of like the World Cup’s interest level in America), but would you not love to see a bunch of sweaty guys running around trying to predict where the funny-bouncing pigskin will end up? To heck with scoring, defense, and everything else. Just watching those flopping, hand-eye coordination-less guys try to understand the physics of a ball that isn’t round would be worth it.

I Have Neglected My Duties: I do not understand how I let this happen, but it has been weeks since Kramnik’s defeat of Topolav in the "Unified World Chess Championship", and I have not yet let you, the reader, know about it. I sincerely apologize for this gross oversight, and pray that I will be forgiven, and that my column will continue to be read. My God, if ESPN had failed to cover something like this... *shudders*

Well I guess I’m just not at their level yet.

Daunte oh Daunte: It is currently illegal to mention the Vikings’ success this season without first stating that Brad Childress “is doing a great job”. Clearly, the Vikings stunk last year, made no significant personnel changes this year, got a new coach, and are now good, hence the coach is the reason.

Look, I am no Mike Tice fan. He stunk. Someone has to be pretty bad to waste Randy Moss the way he did... and Art Shell is doing. But regardless, the Vikings did not turn around solely due to Brad Childress. Granted, he has contributed; if Mike Tice were still the coach, the Vikings would still stink. Nevertheless, the Vikings actually turned around last year. I am betting you all remember when.

Yep. When Daunte Culpepper went down. Please. Someone explain to me why anyone thinks he is good.

Sometimes I Am SO Right, like, Totally: I have been declaring Ben Roethlisberger’s mediocrity and the Steeler’s mediocrity for some time. Now that they lost to the Raiders in horrible fashion, can everyone just admit I am right? I also predicted the Titans were only softening up the league with their 0-5 start. After two straight wins, they—and my predictions—are looking good. Okay, so I do not think they are going to make the playoffs. Still, putting Vince Young in has given them new life. Since he took over, they are 2-2, with a close, close loss to Indy the only thing keeping them from 3-1 in that span. Not bad for a rookie QB.

Someone Cares, I suppose: The World Series was lacking in a winner for the second time in at least fifty years, with the strike year possessing the only other occurrence. Yep, that is correct; no one won the World Series in 2006. The Tigers did an absolutely terrific job of losing it, though. As for that joke of a team, the Cardinals, they have to be the worst World Series “winner” since... huh. I can’t really think of a worse team.