The Tour de--what?

It isn’t easy to pique The Sports Maunderer’s interest in a new sport. It isn’t even easy to convince him that said activity is a sport. There has never been a near miss quite like the Tour de France, though.

While never denying the nearly super-human ability it requires to bicycle through the Alps (Hannibal had elephants to ride on and even he found it difficult), the Tour de France seemed like a less interesting NASCAR, which itself is neither a sport nor particularly interesting.

He was nearly converted, though, when he discovered that the Tour de France is, in fact, a sport. Most bike-racing probably is not, but this particular race involves that often forgotten but always essential element of sport: defense.

Turns out, not only is it a team sport, but riders actively attempt to discourage other riders from doing well, as opposed to merely seeking their own best time and pitting it against everyone else’s. The Sports Maunderer is not yet quite sure about all the ins and outs here, but he has been satisfied by the commentators’ explanations to the point that he is willing to admit the Tour de France into the pantheon of sports.

Which is a great segue into another point: the commentators are good. Not the American ones who speak in stupidese for everyone watching in prime time, but the European blokes who annotate the race live. They manage to explain without patronizing, and in a sport where few people understand much of anything, they still manage to provide salient points that aren’t completely hackneyed. This is particularly difficult when you remember that during the vast majority of the Tour de France, absolutely nothing is happening.

Of course, this is where the problems began. The first few stages were exhilarating. When Astana blew the doors off of everybody in the team time trials, it was fun to watch. When Contador broke away to overtake Lance soon after this—and began a bit of a poop-throwing fight between them—that was interesting.

So here I am, sitting down to watch the Tour, expecting tons of exciting things to happen. Turns out, they don’t. For a whole freaking week, the peloton did nothing. No breakaways, no chasing down the leaders, nothing. I was told to wait for the Alps. That’s where the real action happens.

So The Sports Maunderer waited for the Alps. Turns out, nothing happened the first two days in the Alps, either. But a particular racing advocate was adamant: Sunday is the big day. Turns out it was. Contador annihilated everyone and suddenly the race was over.

WHAT?!

This is like a baseball game being done after 5 and 2/3 innings. This is like ending a football game in the 3rd quarter. Now you might say, some baseball games *are* practically over by then and the same goes for football. But not when they were ridiculously close until twenty seconds earlier! And even if it happens once upon a time, it isn’t the expected result. The Tour de France yanked me around like I don’t think I have ever been yanked before.

Sure, it is cool to see Lance Armstrong get brutally slapped down by just about anyone, and I now root for Contador to break Lance’s record of 7 tour victories (not that I am claiming this is even remotely possible, I’m just saying), but I mean… that’s it?! It’s over?!

It’s like if in the middle of this entry, I just