An Entire Post on the WNBA!

The Sports Maunderer is not the obnoxious, condescending sexist that many claim him to be. To prove it: an entire post dedicated to the WNBA! Even better, this will not be a post entirely dedicated to lambasting the WNBA (though, most likely, something like that will occasionally occur). In fact, this will be free advice to the WNBA. A WHOLE POST OF FREE ADVICE! (I expect women’s groups to appreciate the effort I’m making here, and fund my future campaign for president.)

I think the biggest problem the WNBA has is one of image. People think it is a slow, boring, overly deliberate, limited game where the most exciting thing you can hope for is that some type of fight breaks out (but it never does).

But plenty of other sports have image problems, also. So why does the WNBA have so much trouble shaking this image? Well I’d say reason #1 is that it is a slow, boring, overly deliberate, limited game where the most exciting thing you can hope for is that some type of fight breaks out (but it never does).

This might seem like a difficult obstacle to overcome. But it is not impossible. The problem is that people expect the WNBA to try to deliver that which it obviously can’t (like, say, excitement). But where is the numero uno culprit here? Their own marketing division. WNBA commercials tell you to

“Expect Passion”

“Expect Excellence”

And, in short,

“Expect Great”

Well, when people want to see great, they are going to be pissed if they don’t get it. The NBA’s advertising for “where amazing happens” is annoying, and it ignores such shenanigans as Dwayne Wade driving to the basket out of control, with no hope for a shot, throwing himself to the floor without actually ever touching anyone, and getting a call for it. But, amazing still does happen. Sure, you have to endure watching the Cavaliers’ putrid “offense” for a while, but at the end of a game you might get to see Lebron make a fadeaway 30 footer for the win. So yes, “where amazing happens” is selective truth, but it is truth.

On the other hand, “Expect Great” is a major problem for two reasons.

1) We watch sports to see the spectacular happen. The very fact that they have to remind us that this is what we should watch for undercuts the premise that we should expect it.

2) More damaging to the premise is that we really shouldn’t expect “great”. The WNBA is just not in the “great” business. “Solid”, “cooperative”, “fundamentals”, etc. These are things the WNBA is good at. Telling people to expect “great” is like Boeing advertising a minivan, then wondering why no one buys its $50 million dollar vehicles.

How to fix this? Simple. Change your advertising. Instead of “expect great”, do this:

Epic voice; gravelly, kind of movie-trailer-esque; slow motion; soaring musical score;

Actually, strike that. The WNBA is already in slow motion, so let’s lose the slow motion part. People won’t be able to tell the difference anyway.

Moving on:

“Expect every dribble to be fundamentally sound. Expect every jumpshot to be fundamentally sound. Expect every pass to be fundamentally sound. Expect solid play everywhere.”

Now, expectations have been lowered. How about another one:

“You think you’ve seen good chest passes before, but you have never seen *insert WNBA player here* make a chest pass. It’s like she practices it every day.”

“Expect sound execution. Expect communication. Expect very good sportsmanship. Expect teammates to work together.”

“Want to see how to correctly perform a left-handed lay up? Watch the Storm take on the Shock this Wednesday on ESPN7.”

You think I’m joking. But I’m not. What does the league have to lose? More people will watch “The Philanthropist” than WNBA games. If they don’t find some way to spice things up, they will die. Self-deprecation is the perfect way to do it, particularly when it isn’t really self-deprecating. They are making fun of their (apt) image, while not losing sight of the fact that there isn’t anything wrong with remembering to jump off your right foot for a left handed lay-up.

And let’s face it, there is only one other way an all female league is going to attract much attention, and I doubt my many female readers would deliver their approbation unto that. So until next time:

The WNBA: where the spectacularly mundane happens.

~The Sports Maunderer~