Odd Situation

Everything about Gary Sheffield’s tenure with the Yankees has been strange, and the ending was no different. When attempting to determine an analogy one could use to illuminate the weirdness of Sheffield’s stay, I can’t come up with anything.

And I am very good at analogies. The only thing I can really come up with is the difficulty explaining to a woman what a kick in the nuts feels like. They will simply never understand; there is no frame of reference to help enumerate the singular pain involved with such a tragedy. Even here, though, the analogy is only detailing the difficulty in explaining, not actually explaining.

First things first, when Sheffield first got to the Yanks, he negotiated his own contract directly with George. That is strange enough, but things would get a whole lot weirder.

After slumping for the first month of his first season—along with all of the other Yankee hitters—Sheffield broke out in a huge way in ’04, eventually coming second in MVP voting. Unfortunately, the Yankees also lost to the Red Sox that year in the ALCS, mostly by virtue of the fact that Mariano Rivera, supposedly the greatest closer of all time (well, he is) couldn’t hold a lead. Twice. So Had Mariano Rivera pitched the way he was supposed to, Sheffield would immediately have been a hero in Yankees lore. He came out of nowhere to be an MVP candidate and lead the Yankees in a sweep past the Red Sox to level the Cards and win the World Series…

Err, oops. They got another hit off Rivera.

After that extremely disappointing outcome, Yankee fans began grumbling about Vladamir Guerrero, the much younger and probably more talented right fielder that the Yankees could have signed. Making matters worse, Guerrero won the MVP award in 2004. Sheffield suddenly seemed second fiddle. Quite literally.

Yet in ’05, Sheffield once again posted large numbers, only to watch the Yankees get out-managed in the playoffs and lose yet again. Of course Sheffield’s hitting line was paltry enough that we won’t mention it, besides saying: he stunk.

Yet no one really noticed any of this, because the focus was, is, and will likely be for some time to come, on one guy: A-Rod. So while Sheffield would continue making politically incorrect comments (good for you, Sheff), A-Rod would continue making only politically correct comments, driving everyone—media, fans, teammates included—crazy.
Sheffield then blew up his wrist in ’06 and was out for almost the entire season, when the Yankees landed Bobby Abreu. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that Bobby Abreu plays the same position as Sheffield, is years younger, and costs more, and has a contract that lasts longer.

Thus the awkward “Sheffield playing first” dynamic was born, and we had to suffer through those endless “oh yeah, I’ll do whatever I need to for the team” comments by Sheffield and the “yeah, he can play first base” comments by the Yankee brass, when everyone knew Sheff did not want to play first and the Yankees didn’t think he could play first. Yet because Torre is in love with veterans (not quite a Joe Morgan syndrome, but still creepy), he played Sheff only to watch him embarrass himself in the playoffs.

Then Sheffield started puling about not being traded, even though he had personally negotiated his own deal with the Yankees, where he neglected to include a no-trade clause. Uh-huh. Can we say no leverage? The Yankees wanted him gone, he wanted to be gone, the whole situation was simply strange, and the Yankees traded him for three good prospects who definitely are not worth Sheffield, but who are worth a disgruntled Sheffield who doesn’t have a position thanks to Abreu.

So if a few balls go this way, Sheff is a Yankee hero who won them a title single-handedly. Since they didn’t, he continues on with wandering enigma status, the crusty old hired gun who may or may not make it through the season.

Yet Yankees fans all owe Sheffield thanks for at least one reason: he let us see that swing for more than two years. Oh, what a swing.

Minor Rants Galore:

I seem to be getting long winded in my minor rants lately, and that must be remedied. Due to the fact that I am an extremist, this will be remedied by an extremely high amount of extremely short rants. Yep.

Stop talking stop talking stop talking stop talking!!: Two words for you. Lou. Holtz.

I’m not blaming it on this, but this is why: What is it with athletes divulging injury information, and then making the claim that they aren’t creating excuses for their poor performance? Why else divulge the info, Troy Smith? And A-Rod.

Is everyone equally bad or good?: One way or another, the parity in the NFL is the result of QBs becoming more evenly matched. Peyton is on another planet, so his team is on another planet. After that, there is no run-away favorite for second best QB (no, TOM BRADY DOES NOT COUNT!!), and there is no runaway favorite for second best team. So whether the QBs are getting better or worse, who knows.

After all, a fluke one year will likely be a fluke the next: Florida was a terrific basketball team last year, and they still are, but the Gators were not the dominant team everyone is now making them out to be. They never played anyone in the NCAA tournament, minus maybe Georgetown, who was one rebound away from an upset. Florida will not repeat. You heard it here.

Pour boiling oil on my head, shoot off all my toes…: Watching NBA basketball is painful right now. The players are showing no emotion, because, well, it isn’t allowed anymore. Can you imagine if the NFL did something stupid like the NBA is currently doing with its 200% increase of technical fouls, or whatever the number is? I mean, imagine if the NFL made it so that quarterbacks couldn’t be tackled. We’d all stop watching, wouldn’t we?

Wouldn’t we?

Stupid Things I heard commentators say this Sunday: “They are playing cover 2, so he doesn’t have any help deep” *insert Joe Buck quote here*

For my first trick, I will play an entire game in one half: Carson Palmer: 20-23, 282 yds, 2 TDs, 0 INTs. First half.

I’m an idiot. Kill me please: Joe Buck and Troy Aikman: “This just shows how difficult it is to make the jump from college to the NFL”. They harped on this all afternoon. That explains why Marques Colston, who was playing in the game they were attempting to commentate, is tearing up the league, and had 100 yds by halftime of the Saints-Steelers game. In case you were wondering, Colston played at Hofstra, a division I-AA school. Yeah, I guess that jump isn’t quite as big?

I insult coaches quite often...: So I’ll give them some props when they do a good job. Both Marty Schottenheimer and Marvin Lewis coached well in the game of the year on Sunday. Marty never got conservative, and allowed his team to overcome a 21 point 3rd quarter deficit. Lewis also never got conservative, despite owning that 21 point lead. This was good because had he been conservative, they would have lost 49-28 instead of almost winning. Of course, both defenses played terrible, and you might want to blame that on the coaches, and perhaps in Lewis’ case, you could. The Chargers however, are without super-all-everything-linebacker Shawne Merriman, and you could tell. They got almost no pressure on Carson Palmer. Anyway, good job by both of those coaches.

This seems oddly familiar: In Tennessee, Steve McNair threw a 4th quarter TD pass to complete a come from behind victory. How man times have those words been said before? This time, though, it ends with a victory for Baltimore. Creeeeeeeeepy.

Joe Nedney watch: Joe Nedney, former kicker for the Titans whom I have... ah... spoke of with displeasure in the past (he blew out his knee or something two years in a row while with the Titans) was 4-4 in field goals for the 49ers, as they won 19-13/ Rob Bironas, the Titans kicker, got a potential game winning field goal blocked. Say it ain't so, Joe.

Spiraling out of control: And for my next trick, I will somehow manage to predict team success based solely on how well a ball spirals.