This blog is on life support...

In one of the most saturated three month periods in sports history, I wrote next to nothing. This is a tragedy for all of you, I know. But it is difficult to write with so many extanuating circumstances, and The Sports Maunderer assures you that these aformentioned circumstances mitigate apparent lack of recent verbiage. Some of these circumstances include 286 page novels that aren't even half done, post modern movies with great directing and vacuous plot, the end of life as The Sports Maunderer knew it, A-Rod stinking in October of 2006, weekends spent in despondent silence rather than jubilant, obstreperous blogging, and a general pall of lugubrious happenings.

With that said, let's catch you up on everything that happened recently.

Randy Moss is the best receiever of all time. This did not happen recently, it just needs reaffirming.

The Patriots are 14-0.

The Dolphins are 1-13. And they are happy about this at the moment.

Kevin Durant looks like a cross between Kevin Garnett and Kobe Bryant some nights, and like a cross between Kwame Brown and Jason Williams other nights. So he basically looks like a rookie with loads of potential.

Greg Oden is still 53 years old.

WVU lost to Pitt.

WVU lost to pitt.

Ohio State got thwomped by another SEC team in another national championship game where--oh, that didn't happen yet? Well it will, rest assured.

WVU lost to Pitt.

George Mitchell talked to one trainer and decided to list all the names that trainer happened to declare as steroid users. Wow. That was deep. Very professional. Not a cheap, backhanded swipe at individuals who have no way to regain their images now, despite the fact that they may or may not have used substances that happened to be legal in baseball at the time (albeit illegal in the U.S.), and it isn't like the Mitchell report sheds some illuminating eye on a tainted era. We already knew all of this.

Adrian Peterson is good.

The one on the Vikings, not the one on the Bears. He stinks.

The '72 Dolphins are classless jerks.

The '07 Patriots probably are, too.

Johan Santana is not, I repeat, IS NOT worth Phil Hughes, Melky Cabrera, Ian Kennedy AND a Player-to-be-named-later. I mean seriously, Player-to-be-named-later is crazy good. Everyone ALWAYS wants Player-to-be-named-later in nearly any trade talk.

It has been forty years since 1977.

If you didn't read the last sentence and go... "huh?" you can't do math.

Aliens is much better than Alien.

Michael Vick is having some legal problems. Don't worry if this is new to you--ESPN hasn't given this story the attention it deserves.

The Celtics are really good. And by really good I mean they are really good at beating teams with losing records.

But hey, there are teams that aren't good at that.

Scott Boras is more of a curse than a name.

"System quarterback" is more of a curse than "F***". (See: Heisman Trophy)

Speaking of Heisman Trophies, Tim Tebow won one. He's the first sophomore to do this in the history of sophomores. He is also basically Chuck Norris. When it rains in Florida, Tim Tebow doesn't get wet. The rain gets Tim Tebow'd.

As others have noted, Eric Gagne needs his money back for those performance enhancers he allegedly used.

Led Zeppelin had a reunion show and apparently it was very good.

WVU lost to Pitt.

This shallow sound bite blog post is slightly deificient in the sesquipedalian arena, so here are some words for you to munch on: soporific, pullulation, fetid--

Ooh. I can use that one right now. Hank Steinbrenner is a fetid owner. If he doesn't die of a heart attack soon, *I* will. To go from the ultra smart--albeit cantankerous and stentorian--George to the puerile tactics of Hank is like watching The Godfather and then watching The Forgotten. Well, no, it isn't that bad, but still.

This post is a tad more elongated than I had aimed for, so I leave you with this parting snippet of wisdom:

Emmit Smith believes the NFC west is "one of" the worst conferences in the NFC. This guy must have taken lessons from Chris Mortensen.

Until next time,

~The Sports Maunderer~